Let's Give Them Something to Talk About!

...Besides being a great Bonnie Raitt song, it's also a great way to manage your reputation.

If people aren't talking about you, you can't be making much of an impact.

Anyone who ever tells you not to care what others think about you is giving you bad advice! Our reputation is the most precious thing we carry through life. . . it opens doors or closes them, it inspires others (or turns them off), and unlike things we own, it can't easily be repaired when it suffers a blow.

Often people have no idea of the reputation they have or how they are perceived by others. They have little sense of their strengths and weaknesses - which are rarely the same as what those around them see. They have no idea of their blind spots.

To build and protect your reputation requires self awareness. You need to ask: How do I feel about myself? about who I am? Are the majority of the things I do somewhere between poor and mediocre? Are my expressions, interactions, and talk based on negative or positive feelings about myself? Do I deserve to be held in high regard?

It is possible to start over again when you've blown it.

We use some pretty good, basic tools and strategies to help people uncover their strengths, and to work through what is holding them back. We're here to help if you need to start building or re-building your reputation, making more of an impact, and getting more of what you want out of life. Cheers! Karla and Catherine

To Ignite or to Kill. . .

Everyone reading this blog would likely agree that words can be powerful! However, most of us tend to communicate in such a way that gives little attention to how words are actually used in our everyday discussions. In the name of being “easy-going” or “honest” or “transparent” or “casual”, we sometimes use words and phrases that hurt relationships and don’t serve to motivate others in any way.
I am going to take the next week to think carefully about whether my words ignite or kill. I am going to carefully use words to build up others, to encourage good actions, to enhance my relationships. I am going to avoid words that will destroy creativity or discourage the listener or keep me and my colleagues from moving forward in a positive way.
Here are some examples of phrases – ones that could “ignite” and ones that could “kill” – we’d love to hear some of YOUR examples– for either side of the ledger!

KILLER PHRASES. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . IGNITER PHRASES
How was I supposed to know?. . . . . . . . . . . . . .We can always depend on you.
We’ve tried that before. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Let’s pull together!
I can’t. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Is there any way I can help?
There’s not enough time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Things are beginning to get going!
I wish it were over. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . We’re on the right track now.
You can’t expect miracles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Okay, that’s one in a row!
Look how much bigger THEY are. . . . . . . . . . . . . Just a temporary setback.
It won’t work. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Keep up the good work.
Let’s discuss it some other time. . . . . . . . . . . . . .How about right now?
If only we could have.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .It might work!
What’s the use? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Why not?
You don’t understand. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .You bet I will!
Do we have to? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Congratulations!
We’ve never done it that way. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I have faith in you.
It’s too new/old fashioned. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My mistake; I’m sorry.
Yes, but... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Yes, and...

What is Community?

Have you ever wondered about the meaning of ”community”? The term is used so much these days, and I’m not sure I’ve delved into what it really means, or how much peoples’ interpretations may differ. Community is broadly defined as "similarity; likeness; friendly association; fellowship." Notice that the root meaning of community is with unity.

We all long for recognition, mutual support, and shared interest with other people beyond our family connections. Not only do I believe we were created for community life, but feeling we belong in a community is essential to our psychological well-being and our health. The conclusion would be that for our lives to truly shine brightest, we must have the support and affirmation of a community of like-minded people who understand our struggles and share our goals.

In the book "Living in Balance", Joel and Michelle Levey describe what community can mean to us:
"Somewhere there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throat. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, and eyes will light up as we arrive. Community means strength that joins with strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to support us when we falter. A circle of friends. Someplace we can be free."

This portrait of the importance of community helps us see that we need others to inspire and support us as we do our work, reach for our goals and as we take opportunities to serve one another.

Another fascinating picture of the benefits of living in community is found in the Book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell. One chapter of the book is dedicated to the mystery of a small mining community in Pennsylvania called Roseta, where a study was done over fifty years ago after people started noticing that people in Roseta were unusually healthy and happy. There was no suicide, no alcoholism, no drug addiction; very little crime, no one on welfare. In Roseta, folks were dying of old age only.

In trying to unravel the mystery of Roseta, researchers suspected that dietary practices from the residents’ Old World origins (Italy) left them healthier than Americans. That wasn’t it. Was it abstinence from smoking or drinking? Were these people just hardy stock, or were the foothills of Pennsylvania just good for their health? These were dead ends too. No, there was something else researchers began to discover, revealing that the secret of Roseta wasn’t diet or exercise or genes or location. It was community.

Rosetans visited one another, stopping to chat in Italian in the street, or cooking for one another in their backyards. There were “ extended family clans that underlay the town’s social structure. They saw how many homes had three generations living under one roof, and how much respect grandparents commanded. They went to mass and saw the unifying and calming effect of the church. They counted 22 separate civic organizations in a town of under two thousand. They saw that the town discouraged the wealthy from flaunting their success and helped the unsuccessful obscure their failures as a particular ethos of the community.”

In short, they had created a powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating them from pressures of the modern world. They were healthy because the values of the world they inhabited and the people they surrounded themselves with had a profound effect on who they were. While much of the world understands good health as based on an individual’s personal choices or actions in isolation, the people of Roseta show us that we should think about health in terms of community.

As you think about the community you are a part of, ask yourself the following:
• Is it possible to reorganize your life to live more like the people of Roseta did?
• Have you made yourself a vital part of your community, or do you live detached from it?
• What gifts do you bring to your community?
• How can you keep your light shining in community?


I can’t help but think of a song as I close… People, people who need people….. are the luckiest people in the world!

Diversity – It’s a Respect Thing

Diversity: we define it as acknowledging, understanding, accepting, valuing, and celebrating differences among people with respect to age, socio-economic status, ethnicity, gender, physical and mental ability, race, sexual orientation, spiritual practice, and public assistance status.

For most people, learning, working, and living in a diverse society is not a new reality. We live in a part of the world where people of all ethnic, spiritual, cultural and lifestyle preferences and backgrounds have come together and, for the most part, find that it works. At InAccord, we want to make sure it works.

But making diversity work is not easy. Having good intentions is not enough. Diversity can be a source of dissention and bitter conflict. People will tend to gravitate to others who resemble themselves in thought, looks, and deeds. “Birds of a feather” do flock together. Misunderstandings and resentments are common.

Most people live by the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. But when you look at this through the lens of respecting diversity, you might have questions.

What does respect look like? Does it look the same for everyone? Does it mean saying hello in the morning, or keeping your distance, or making eye contact when you speak?

The answers depend on the person. We may share the same core values, but how we exhibit those values may be different.

How do we know what different groups or people need?

Perhaps instead of using the golden rule, we could use the platinum rule, which is "treat others as they want to be treated." Moving our frame of reference from what may be our default view ("our way is the best way") to a diversity-sensitive perspective ("let's take the best of a variety of ways") will help us to manage more effectively in our richly diverse environment.

Author and speaker Eugene Greissman, who has interviewed some of the world’s most interesting people, wrote the following “Diversity Creed.” He said, “diversity brings new solutions to an ever-changing environment, and that sameness is not only uninteresting, but limiting.” Thus, he pledged to affirm his citizenship in a world of diversity by taking responsibility to…

Be tolerant. Live and let live. Understand that those who cause no harm should not be feared, ridiculed, or harmed—even if they are different.

Look for the best in others.

Be just in your dealings with poor and rich, weak and strong, and whenever possible to defend the young, the old, the frail, the defenseless.

Avoid needless conflicts and diversions, but be always willing to change for the better that which can be changed.

Seek knowledge in order to know what can be changed, as well as what cannot be changed.

Forge alliances with others who love liberty and justice.

Be kind, remembering how fragile the human spirit is.

Live the examined life, subjecting your motives and actions to the scrutiny of mind and heart so to rise above prejudice and hatred.

Care. Be generous in thought, word, and purse.

Words to live by!

Got Whistlers?

Scottish Historian Thomas Carlyle once said, “Give me a man who sings at his work.” I’d like to add whistling to Carlyle’s quip as another indicator of a happy and emotionally healthy person.

Do you have employees who sing or whistle while they work? Are they humming “O What a Beautiful Morning” or “Take This Job and ……”?

Hopefully, it’s not the latter, but something like: “I’m Walkin’ on Sunshine” or “I Feel Good, I Knew That I Would”!

The whistling reference is just a symbolic one. Of course there are happy, successful people out there who can’t sing or whistle a note, but possibly they have a "whistler’s heart.” In my nearly thirty years in HR and recruitment, I (Karla) have seen success follow a great many of people whose careers I’ve tracked. The most notable ones really did have a whistler’s heart: an inner “X Factor” that is tied to self-worth, high self-confidence, and feelings of adequacy.

Have you set the stage? How’s the air around there? Are you surrounded by people who have good feelings about who they are?

A workplace that fosters positive self-regard is a healthy workplace, one where people know that relationships are the new currency that drives business.

At one global IT firm, employees can make mistakes on technical issues, but not on "people" issues. It’s a matter of priorities.

When an organization has low or no priority on high self-regard among its employees, the atmosphere is such that you can “cut the air with a knife.” Morale is poor, employees are often withdrawn and depressed, the culture is diseased, people are fearful, complaints are rampant and frustrations that impact performance are not freely expressed. Don’t let your workplace be choked up with emotional pollution. Make sure your "oxygen" or lifeblood is pure, or you’ll die. If you value satisfied customers, you must first value satisfied employees.

HR isn’t responsible for your company’s culture.

You may hold this belief that HR is accountable for the health of your organization’s culture. However, that responsibility needs to be placed at the very top of the organization and with the rest of the executive team. It is up to leadership to manage their people effectively, and that means taking an interest in the well being, both personal and professional, of those in their charge. Let people be the centerpiece of your organization.

Employees will vote with their feet.

Today’s talented people know what they want and they go for it. They simply won’t work in an environment where there is unresolved conflict, gossip, or a lack of interest in the well being of the individual.

Happy, emotionally healthy employees who are respected and valued can handle and fulfill bigger expectations. Smart managers know this, and they are able to build on their employees’ inherent need to fulfill their own destinies and in doing so, fuel the success of their organization. Take care of your employees; care for them. They will respect you because your actions reflect value of others and self.

And they won’t mind at all if you sing or whistle.

Don't Ask THAT!

Are you confident in your knowledge of questions employers cannot ask when interviewing candidates?

You may be surprised at how many questions should not be asked. It’s wise to prepare yourself so that you won’t "slip" when interviewing and in doing so, put your organization at risk.

Among questions considered "off limits" are the following:

Questions about an applicant’s medical history, including whether the individual has ever filed a worker’s compensation or disability claim, or has ever been hospitalized, and if so, for what condition.

Questions that would reveal whether an applicant has a mental or physical disability. You may disclose the essential job functions of the position applied for and ask whether the applicant can perform these with or without reasonable accommodation.

You may not request the age, date of birth, dates of high school or college graduation or other questions that tend to identify age.

An applicant’s religion is a topic that is also off-limits. You may not ask about religious days observed, however: If there is a requirement that applicants work weekends, the application form may state the regular days, hours or shifts worked and you may ask applicants whether they can fulfill those requirements.

Questions about an applicant’s arrest record have been found to be discriminatory. You may ask whether the applicant has ever been convicted of a crime for which they have not received a pardon, however you should state that a conviction will not necessarily disqualify the applicant from employment.

Under the category of sex and pregnancy discrimination, other impermissible questions include inquiring whether an applicant has children, is pregnant, or has plans to get pregnant. Similarly, you should not request an applicant’s maiden name, as marital status is considered a protected classification.

Do not ask for a Social Insurance Number without a legitimate reason. A S.I.N. is not a prerequisite for working in Canada, however: You may ask for it should you wish to conduct a background check, or seek RCMP clearance.

Lastly, employers must not ask questions that require an applicant to disclose his or her national origin or ancestry, including a request for place of birth. Likewise, employers cannot require a photograph to accompany an application without a legitimate business reason.

I (Karla) once took a call from a client seeking an administrator, who asked us to present candidates that were "fit." When asked for clarification, I learned that in their field of sports and entertainment, it is key that staff represent the ideals of a fitness lifestyle. I didn’t sense improper motives, but their wording was risky. It takes informed preparation to ask safe questions and get the desired results.

As for what you should ask, that takes careful preparation and thought as well. Never “just wing it” or you’ll do yourself and your organization a great disservice. Gut feelings are helpful in many situations, but don’t let them hijack smart and thorough candidate interviewing.

What About Bob?

If you haven't seen the movie What About Bob? you really should rent it soon!

In my family of comedians, What About Bob? is a classic. Richard Dreyfuss plays the role of psychologist, Dr. Leo Marvin, who meets Bob (played by Bill Murray) after other counselors have thrown in the towel. Bob suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, and develops an extreme attachment to Dr. Marvin.

Dr. Marvin has some major character flaws, including an inflated sense of his importance. He has an awkward relationship with his son, is overly formal with his family, and is focused on his stature in the field. His family members embrace the impossibly paranoid Bob, who puts the fun in dysfunctional, and Dr. Marvin slowly descends into madness.

This film illustrates the functionality of a workplace, and it may even resonate with you. . . At the helm we have a puffed-up and detached leader who is failing in relational areas and missing out on life-giving communication and connection opportunities. As things spin out of control, there is little hope of repair and healing because the foundation of the family is weak. Even in heavy storms, structures with a good foundation will survive considerable damage.

A few years ago, I (Karla) recruited an administrator with a new IT client. The candidate was hired to support a couple of VPs, in an open office setting. After week two, she advised that since her first day, the President of the firm had walked past her without so much as a hello, let alone acknowledging her as a new staff addition. Disheartened by the atmosphere, she soon made the decision to leave.

Is the culture in your organization a healthy one? Has management shifted away from a people-first focus? Or was it ever there? Is there a clique culture where certain staff feel excluded from decision making or meaningful conversations? Do leaders exhibit a sense of superiority over support staff?

The quality of relationships that criss-cross hierarchies affect how employees perceive their value within the big picture. Where there are healthy relationships and communications modeled by leaders, more people will stay put and grow their potential. Where disunity is vertical, lateral (or viral!), it must be addressed or people will vote with their feet!

Is there a guy in your organization named Bob? Say hello to him today!

InAccord offers team building, leadership and one-to-one coaching to improve the health of your team or organization. Our mission is to provide consultative support to individuals, teams and organizations so that they will understand and use their strengths well, and thrive in career and life!